My first board meeting as a newly appointed Vice President of a large multinational company was supposed to be a milestone — a celebration of everything I had worked for. At 39, I was the youngest board member, the only woman, and the first woman to ever hold a profit-responsible executive board role in the company’s then 60-year history in my country. I was nervous but proud. I had defied the odds, broken barriers, and earned a seat at the table.
Then came the moment that shattered the illusion. The boardroom was buzzing, filled with the energy of senior executives preparing for the meeting. The barista hadn’t shown up that day. And in front of everyone, the CEO — the same man who had handpicked me for this historic promotion — turned to me and said: “Zeynep, can you please make us coffee?” Silence.
I froze. A million thoughts raced through my head. If I stood up and made the coffee, would I be defining myself as the ‘coffee server’ in the room, not the leader I was meant to be? If I refused, would I be perceived as difficult, rude, or uncooperative? I felt exposed, confused, and incredibly undermined. In the end, I looked at him and gave the only response I could think of to avoid the task: “Sorry, I don’t know how to make coffee.”
It was the only thing I could think of that wouldn’t offend yet wouldn’t stereotype me, either. But inside, I was devastated. That small moment — that one sentence — captured the subtle, often invisible biases women face in leadership roles. The assumptions. The gendered expectations. The quiet microaggressions that send loud messages: you don’t really belong.
That moment was a foreshadowing of the years to come. I quickly discovered that being a woman in the boardroom — especially a young one — meant walking a tightrope. Too confident, and you’re arrogant. Too assertive, and you’re aggressive. Too emotional, and you’re unstable. Too quiet, and you’re weak.
There was no right way to be. And unlike many of my male peers, I had no real mentors to show me the path. Worse still, some of the women around me weren’t allies either. Perhaps they had internalized the same system I was trying to survive. Whatever the reason, I sometimes found myself judged even more harshly by the women than the men. There were days I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. Gossip swirled. Resistance simmered. And often, I was left wondering whether the problem was me — or the system.
Over time, I came to understand: mostly it was the system. One that hadn’t been designed for women — especially not ambitious, vocal, emotionally intelligent women who weren’t afraid to challenge the norm. It took me years — and a sabbatical — to find my way back to myself. But that coffee moment never left me. It became a symbol of everything that needs to change in the business world. And I have often told this story since.
Because here’s the truth: gender bias in the workplace isn’t always loud or visible. It’s not always about blatant discrimination. Sometimes, it’s just a coffee request in a room full of men — and the silent expectations that come with it. We need to keep telling these stories. Not to shame, but to shine a light. Because change begins with awareness.
And because no one should have to choose between being respected and being herself or himself. Have you faced a difficult moment in a senior room? If so, please share in the comments so we can use our collective experience to build awareness and heal together.